I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
