Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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