I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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