I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
