I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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