He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
