this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize