Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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