before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
