Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Randomize
