I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Alive.
So much puke
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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