wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
