My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
