just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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