Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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