almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
