We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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