Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
