Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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