theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
