Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
