I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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