so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
