I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We talked him into tasing himself.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize