It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
