Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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