dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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