we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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