Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
