he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm at about main and main street
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
