I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
