this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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