So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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