Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize