You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
