I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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