Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I wear drunk well.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
