11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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