Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
