Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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