Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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