Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
