A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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