Me too!
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
