This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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