i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
