Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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