yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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