I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The uberlube is also flammable
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
