She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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