dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
