If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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