Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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