so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
