Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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