I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
