My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
