apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
