Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
