I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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