he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I think I have vodka in my lungs
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize