I just threw up on my dentist
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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