he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
