So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
