i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
