it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
