first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
