I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
