I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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