don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize