IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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