dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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