Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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