I think I just saw someone hide a body.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
