the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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