the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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