I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
