Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
