Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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