The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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