Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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