I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
