I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
