I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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