Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Found your dick twin last night
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
