we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
