he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
