Cold hands, warm shart.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
