I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
