I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
