I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
