My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
