These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
