Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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