His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
