I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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