He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
