This girl is more easily done than said...
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
