Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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