we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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