I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Dicks are not precious.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
