NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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