I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My vagina is officially offended.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
