I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize