She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
