i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
