Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
