I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
