We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
