I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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